Research repositories are a "nice-to-have." Post-Its will never fail unlike the “cloud.”

Spend 2 months making your deck to show stakeholders how invested you are in learning PowerPoint.

Yell at users. You don't like the product either.

Collecting any demographic data is useless as we are all brothers and sisters.

Ask how much money you need to give participants for a perfect review.

Flip the script and have the user interview you. You can get paid instead.

Efficiently organize your data by making someone else do it.

You are not the user. They are not the researcher. We are all specks of dust, floating in a sea of nothingness.

During usability tests, tell participants that the others did much better than them. Threaten to remove their compensation if they don’t start doing better.

Stakeholders appreciate simplicity so only have 1 word per slide, 2 slides max.

Every moment in the product is an opportunity to learn. When users sign up with their name, ask them "How does that make you feel?”

At the end of the interview, say “Ok, now let’s do a funny one.”